What is Our Core Emotional Need?
I recently attended a webinar entitled “How Your Value is Critical to Creating Value”. It was a very interesting topic and runs in parallel with the work that I do with SMART Conversations. We’ve all heard that after food, shelter and sleep, the most fundemental human need is to feel valued. When you feel your value is under attack you move into “fight” or “flight” which is a basic part of our human being. Part of the brain shuts down and you react in one of the two ways identified – fight or flight, and your defensiveness rises. In SMART Conversations, we refer to this as you moving into your “Trigger Style”. The key to getting out of the survival zone and into the performance zone is called practicing good Dialogue. Being able to draw out the facts and stop telling yourself a story – The Belief Map.
This webinar went on to talk about what we, as humans, value – Acceptance, Acknowledgement, Respect, and Worth. These are what address our Core Emotional Needs. Daniel Goleman, the author of a book called Emotional Intelligence stated that “threats to our standing in the eyes of others are almost as powerful as those to our very survival.” We need to feel valued. One suggestion provided was for us to always think about creating value in the world inwhich we live instead of defending our value and worth. It was also stated that Good Leaders – Acknowledge, Appreciate, and Respect their people and that goes a long way with most.